1.Is it a boy or a girl
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
翻译：是男孩还是女孩？
A:看看那个留短发和蓝色牛仔裤的年轻人。是男孩还是女孩？
B：是个女孩。她是我的女儿。
A:哦，对不起，先生。我不知道你是她的父亲。
B：我不是。我是她的妈妈。
2.Pretty ugly
Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..
翻译：非常丑陋的
玛丽：约翰说我很漂亮。安迪说我很丑。你觉得怎么样，彼得？
彼得：我觉得你很丑。
3.Silent fart
A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem.
"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"
The doctor replies:
"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing."
翻译：沉默的屁：沉默的屁
一个人走进医生的办公室，遇到了一个严重的问题。
“医生，我在无声气体排放方面有问题。在家里，工作，甚至在教堂，我放出无数的无声屁，无论我走到哪里！事实上，我坐在这里和你谈过三次。我们该怎么办？”
医生回答说：
“我们要做的第一件事就是检查你的听力。”
3.Pay tax with a smile
A: I hate paying my income tax.
B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?
A: I'd like to but they insist on money!
翻译：A:我讨厌付所得税。
B：你应该是个好公民——你为什么不微笑着付钱呢？
A:我很愿意，但是他们坚持要钱！
4.Take his place
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."
翻译：代替他：取代他的位置
午夜过后，一位律师打电话给州长，坚持要他跟他谈一件非常紧急的事情。一个助手最终同意唤醒州长。
“那么，这是什么呢？”州长抱怨道。
“Garber法官刚刚去世，”律师说，“我想接替他的位置。”
州长回答说：“好吧，如果殡仪馆还好的话，我就可以了。”
5.I'm Sick
One day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the hospital.
Nurse: Hamid, the doctor is here to see you.
Hamid: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.
翻译：我生病了
一天，哈米德感到很不舒服，他去了医院。
护士：哈米德，医生来见你。
哈米德：告诉他，我看不见他。我病了。
向姑姑道歉
爸爸：“儿子，你怎么称呼你的阿姨傻？”去跟她说声对不起。”
儿子：（走到姨妈跟前）“阿姨，对不起你是个笨蛋。”
6.Say sorry to aunt
Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."
Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."
6.Undying love
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes, dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love.
翻译：永恒的爱：永恒的爱
女孩：你爱我吗？
男孩：是的，亲爱的。
女孩：你愿意为我而死吗？
男孩：不，我的爱是永恒的
扩展资料：
look at看; 审视; 评判; 接受
young person(14-17岁的)未成年人; 少年
short hair短头发
blue jeans蓝色斜纹布裤子，牛仔裤
do you你愿意吗
fart<讳>放屁; 讨厌的人; 令人厌烦的人; 蠢人
walks步态( walk的名词复数 ); 人行道; 步行的路径; 走，步行，散步( walk的第三人称单数 ); 出现; 陪伴…走; 徒步旅行
'vehave 的缩略形式
At home在家; 在国内; 在家接待客人; 精通
and even乃至
1 Such a Long Dog 如此长的狗
once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。
2 Who's better stisfied? 谁更满足？
A person with six children or a person with $6 million, who is better satisfied? Why?
The person with six children of course. Because the one with $6 million wants more.
一个有六个孩子的人和一个有600万美元的人，谁更满足？为什么？
当然是有六个孩子的那个，因为有600万美元那个还想要得更多。
3 Talking clock 会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den（私室，贼窝） . What is the big brass gong（锣） and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. How's it work?
Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？他的一个朋友问他。那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟，学生回答。这钟怎么工作的，他的朋友问。看着，别眨眼了，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！
4 Henry and Mary had just got married, and everybody was enjoying their wedding party. There was plenty to eat and plenty to drink, and everybody was getting very merry, when a very thin, very young man came into the room. He looked at Mary sadly and accusingly, walked slowly towards her, kissed her lovingly and said, 'Why did you do it?'
Then he walked to the door and disappeared.
Nobody had ever seen the young man before--not even Mary.
5. Some of Nasreddin's old friends were talking about the young people in their town. They all agreed that old people were wiser than young people. Then one of the old men said, 'But young men are stronger than old men.'
All of them agreed that this was true, except Nasreddin. He said, 'No. I am as strong now as when I was a young man.'
'What do you mean?' said his friends. 'How is that possible? Explain yourself!'
'Well,' said Nasreddin, 'in one corner of my field there is a rock. When I was a young man I used to try to move it, but I couldn't because I was not strong enough. I am an old man now, and when I try to move it ,I still cannot.'
6 One day a beautiful young lady went to a famous artist and said, 'I want you to paint a picture of me. How much will it cost?'
'Five hundred pounds,' said the artist.
'Oh?' said the lady. 'That is a lot of money.' Then she thought that, as she had a very beautiful body, the artist might be happy to paint her picture more cheaply if she wore no clothes while he was painting it. So she said, 'And how much will it cost if you paint me without any clothes on?'
The artist thought for a moment. 'One thousand pounds,' he then said. 'But I shall have to keep my socks on, because my feet get cold; and I shall have to wear something to put my brushes in.'
A Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. /when the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREAST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S.SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.
7 .AN APPOINTMENT
A man called his doctor's office for an appointment. "I am sorry,"
said the receptioist,"we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment."
The Irishman and the Boot-maker
An Irishman once sent for a boot-maker, and gave orders for a pair of boots. When his measure was taken, he told him that, as one of his legs was bigger than the other, the boots must be made accordingly. As soon as they were sent home, he put the big boot on the small leg, and after trying in vain the small boot on the big leg. He fell into a great passion, and wrote to the poor boot-maker the following letter: "Oh! You thief! I ordered you to make one boot bigger than the other, but instead of that, you have made me one smaller than the other!"
8
Ali,who was working a long way from home,wanted to send a letter to his wife ,but he could neither read nor write,and he had to work all day,so he could only look for somebody to write his letter late at night. At last he found the house of a letter-writer whose name was Nasreddin.
Nasreddin was already in bed. 'It is late,' he said. 'What do you want?' 'I want you to write a letter to my wife,' said Ali. Nasreddin was not pleased. He thought for a few seconds and then said, 'Has the letter got to go far?'
'What does that matter?' answered Ali.
'Well, my writing is so strange that only I can read it , and if I have to travel a long way to read your letter to your wife , it will cost you a lot of money.'
Ali went away quickly.
7
.
An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course,when that happened,all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.
'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man. 'What will happen to me now?'
'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.'
The young man was very glad. 'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin.
'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man. 'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.'
8
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
'How old are you?' he said.
'Eighteen, sir,' said John.
'But your brother was eighteen, too,' said the doctor. 'Are you twins?'
'Oh, no sir,' said John, and his face went red. 'My brother is five months older than I am.'
9
A judge was working in his room one day when a neighbour ran in and said, 'If one man's cow kills another's, is the owner of the first cow responsible?'
'It depends,' answered the judge.
'Well,' said the man, 'your cow has killed mine.'
'Oh,' answered the judge. "Everyone knows that a cow cannot think like a man, so a cow is not responsible, and that means that its owner is not responsible either.'
'I am sorry, Judge,' said the man. 'I made a mistake. I meant that my cow killed yours.'
The judge thought for a few seconds and then said, 'When I think it more carefully, this case is not as easy as I thought at first.' And then he turned to his clerk and said, 'Please bring me that big black book from the shelf behind you.'
10
When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.
One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cross a shallow river. When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin's donkey began to slip, so his father said, 'That sack is nearly in the water! Press down hard on it!'
His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do. He pressed down on the sack and it went under the water. Of course, the flour was lost.
'What have you done, Nasreddin?' his father shouted angrily.
'Well, Father', said Nasreddin, 'this time I thought that I would do just what you told me, to show you how stupid your orders always are.'
11
Nasreddin had lost his donkey. He was going about looking for it everywhere, and while he was looking, he was singing gaily.
One of his neighbours saw him and said, 'Hullo, Nasreddin. What are you doing?'
'I am looking for my donkey,' answered Nasreddin.
'Don't you know where it is?' asked the neighbour.
'No, I don't.'
'Then why are you singing so gaily? Usually when somebody loses something, he is sad.'
'Yes, that is quite true,' answered Nasreddin. 'But you see, I am not yet sure that my donkey is lost. My last hope is that it is behind that hill over there. If you wait a little, you will hear how I will cry and complain if it is not there!'
12
One winter Nasreddin had very little money. His crops had been very bad that year, and he had to live very cheaply. He gave his donkey less food, and when after two days the donkey looked just the same, he said to himself, 'The donkey was used to eating a lot. Now he is quickly getting used to eating less; and soon he will get used to living on almost nothing.'
Each day Nasreddin gave the donkey a little less food, until it was hardly eating anything.
Then one day, when the donkey was going to market with a load of wood on its back, it suddenly died. 'How unlucky I am,' said Nasreddin. 'Just when my donkey had got used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.'
13、Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？
汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？
汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。
14、Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
译文：
老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”
妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”
约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”
妻子：“为什么？”
约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”
15、A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
1.a joke; a jest; a funny story
2.to ridicule; to laugh at
3.a cause for ridicule; a laughable mistake
Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”
“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。
Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
A physics Examination
once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
